Dragging Out My Rural Roots
A new blog by Mabe Kyle.
Being a queer and transgender rural person is something that I’ve spent my life trying to understand better and come to terms with. Growing up I was often told a narrative of metronormativity, that if I wanted to be queer then I should move to a metropolitan city like Toronto because that is where I would be able to find 2SLGBTQIA+ community, but that queer and trans people didn’t exist in rural spaces or if we did we were going to live a very isolated life strife with discrimination and hardships. So, as many young queer folks do, I moved to Toronto to complete my undergrad degree at York University. I still felt a sense of being out of place in the city as a rural disabled person who is more suited for the slower pace of country life. I lived abroad for a couple years after my time in Toronto but during the beginning COVID 19 pandemic in March of 2020 I made the decision to move back to my parent’s place on the farm.
Image Description: Holden Reins is dressed as a cowboy and kneeling on stage playing a guitar.
After a few months had passed and we were suddenly in our first pride month of isolation, June of 2020, I had developed a hyperfixation on watching YouTube videos of drag in all its glorious forms. This quickly led to me realizing a new dream of mine which was if I was ever given the opportunity I wanted to perform drag as a king in a very country style to represent my masculinity through my rural roots. I came up with the drag name of Holden Reins which I felt sounded country like riding a horse and holding the reins but I also liked the double nature of reigns being a royal term well suited for the drag world. I had created a playlist on Spotify of possible songs I would one day want to perform and I had put the dream aside for a couple years as I waited for the right opportunity to arise.
Image Description: Holden Reins is dressed as a cowboy and standing up on stage playing a guitar.
Fast forward to fall of 2022 I was at a gala for a gay hockey tournament that I was playing in in Toronto and while hanging out with my teammates for the tournament watching a drag performance I had asked them if they would ever want to perform drag if given the opportunity. I shared with them my dream as well. Two months later I was scrolling on my Facebook feed and saw someone posting in the local pride and 2SLGBTQIA+ groups asking if there were any local drag performers that would be interested in performing in shows that this person wanted to produce in town. I had decided to send them an email stating that I wanted to realize my dream of performing drag but I didn’t have any experience doing so already. Upon receiving my email this person, the Queen of Queerlesque, the queer fat fabulous femme Rubyyy Jones, put on a drag crash course for myself and others to learn the fundamentals of drag from costuming to lip syncing and makeup to act development that finished in a local drag show at the fairgrounds. Similar to myself Rubyyy had also grown up in the area and lived abroad for many years before moving back to their hometown during the COVID 19 pandemic.
Image Description: Holden Reins is dressed with a rainbow cowboy hat, a black fringe cut t-shirt with a pink triangle on it, and glittery purple pants. Holden has their hand over their chest.
I was so excited about the course that I had just signed up for. There were a couple of fundamental parts of my own identity that I wanted to explore during my performance. One was that I wanted it to be completely gender bent and the other was that I wanted it to be country. Over the course of the next month I worked hard to think of different songs, dance moves, and costume pieces that I wanted to include. I had embroidered the backs of a few jackets and vests during the pandemic and realized that I wanted to make another specifically for this performance. On the back of it would say “country queer rural faggot farmer dyke bumpkin tranny” Because I love reclaiming slurs for my own usage. I sewed onto that jacket a patch that I was given in an art trade that said “Country music made me gay” and a few different pride flags that I had gotten at a pride I went to the previous summer. Other parts of my costuming included plaid, paisley, camo, and of course cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. As I wanted to reveal different aspects of gender and queerness throughout my performance I made it a burlesque performance and had seven layers on top and four layers on the bottom. The performance was full of many different reveals to make the eight minutes of my performance exciting and full of unexpected reveals. The performance started with Hank William Jr.’s “A Country Boy Can Survive”, had a few short pieces of some queer country songs in the middle including Willie Nelson’s “Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other” and finished with Gretchen Wilson’s “Redneck Woman”. I was delighted with this work of art that I had created and felt like I had achieved my goals of making it as queer and as country as I could.
Image Description: Holden Reins is in an alley that has art on the walls. Holden Reins is dressed with cowboy boots, fishnet leggings, rainbow sequin shorts, and a vest that has embroidered in rainbow the text "COUNTRY QUEER RURAL FAGGOT FARMER DYKE BUMPKIN TRANNY"
When it came time to perform I was equally excited and nervous. I had gotten the day off of work and went to the fairgrounds in the afternoon to start putting on my makeup. I had invited my coworkers, some other friends in the community, and my mom as well as one of her friends, to watch the show. I had informed the person that runs my hockey association in Ayr, the small town next to the one I was performing drag in, Paris, that I wouldn’t be able to attend the game that night as I’d be performing in a drag show and she asked if it was in Toronto. She’s a cis straight woman herself and even though I knew it came from a place of curiosity and not intended to cause harm, it’s moments like that that I feel microaggressions of people insinuating that my rurality and queerness cannot coexist together as one. I live by the philosophy of being both/and when it comes to my existence. I am both masculine and feminine. I am both an artist and a hockey player. I am both a drag performer and a farm kid. My existence is not a contradiction, it is a harmonious attestation to a multitude of concurring truths.
Image Description: A black and white image of Holden Reins dressed in feminine attire with a silhouette of their back and a spotlight shining on them.
